Dave's Archives

Hi there. Erm... so then, me. Seems to be the topic of the page.

Dave has the following characteristics: height h = 177cm, mass m = 71kg. One may therefore infer that Dave has certain humanoid features, such as arms and eyeballs, particularly since these are often conducive (but of course not strictly essential) to maintaining a blog.

One may calculate that if exactly 5,000 Daves were stacked on top of one another on a beach somewhere, the column would project 2m above the height of Mount Everest. The Dave Column would be inherently unstable, partly due to wind gusts, but also because the bottommost Dave would be carrying just under 355 tonnes of other Daves, which is fairly atypical in comparison to the things Dave is normally required to carry. Dave is not widely considered a reliable construction material.

Dave's particular genetic, cellular, molecular and atomic structures have not been analysed in depth in the peer-reviewed scientific literature, though there is evidence to support his organic composition, from which we can be confident of the abundance of carbon atoms. The Dave Column would therefore act as a carbon sink, and the sale of carbon credits in a given trading scheme would partially offset the cost of its construction and maintenance.

Unfortunately, the mitigating effect on global warming of this trapped carbon may be outweighed by all the hot air emitted from the 5,000 Daves as they struggle in vain for something meaningful to say.